Lois Lanes Newspaper Scams
by Youngplumpp
Summary: Lois has a story craving.


Lois Lanes Newspaper Scams

 **In a barn isle somewhere. Dont ask why.**

"What are you doing Mr. Crane?" A random guard asks Scarecrow, who is shoving a sharp icicle up his sleeve.

"Nothing you fool-" He accidentally drops the icecicle and shatters on the ground. " Blast! God Dang it!" Scarecrow stomps around and throws his arms up in anger. Two guards start to drag him away. "You will all know fear! FEAR ME!" Back to Arkham he goes.

Lois Lane runs down the isle having witnessed the whole thing. "JIMMY! JIMMY! This is story gold here!" Lois almost loses it looking everywhere for Jimmy.

Jimmy comes in late. Lois nearly runs him down when she sees him. "Jimmy Get your camera! You missed scarecrow armed with a lethal winter time weapon! Now get to Arkham and get me a cover photo of him to put with this story!"

"Uh Right!" Just as soon as he got there Jimmy turned right around and left once again.

Clark Kent is standing in the stall.

"What are you doing here Smallville? Trying to steal my story huh? Get lost Clark!" Lois enters the stall. OH NO. "Shoo Smallville. SHOO Shoo!"

Arms raised in submission Clark Disappears out the door.

 **ARKHAM ASYLUM.**

Huffing Jimmy arrives at Arkham. " Whoo, *pant* *pant* I couldn't of got here any fas-"

"JIMMY! Camera now! What took you so long?!"

"Lo- Lois! b- b- b- bu-"

"No buts Jimmy, Just pictures!" Lois grabs Jimmy and drags him to where guards are putting Scarecrow in his cell. "Now we gotta make this look like the real thing, like he just got caught with the weapon." Lois stuffs an icicle plushy in Scarecrows hand and steps back.

Jimmys snapping pictures.

Lois isn't satisfied. "It. needs. something."

Jimmy holds out a menacing darth Vader outfit.

"Of course! He looks so stupid in these prison clothes put it on him quick!"

Scarecrow stares dumbfounded and confused. Mostly he looks very non violent.

Jimmy shoves the outfit on him, camera ready and snapping pictures all while he's doing it. Pure. Raw. Talent. _SHUT UP JIMMY!_

" _What in the name of-"_ Scarecrow thinks. He doesn't really know what to do with this.

"Now look like your hiding a stabbing weapon, ready to go on a homicidal rage." Lois coaxes.

Scarecrow Stares.

"Come on, do it, I really need this cover photo."

Everyone is so distracted with Scarecrow they don't notice all the Arkham inmates leisurely walking out.

Lois startles nearly everyone as she dramatically widens her eyes and looks around. "I smell a story."

"Oh no. . ." Jimmy whispers.

"Run Jimmy RUN! The inmates are out! GO RUN!"

Jimmy starts to run away.

Lois grabs his shirt. "No I mean run after them and get me some pictures. I'm taking notes." Lois runs out the door and starts frantically writing notes on who's running where and how.

"Jimmy hurry! Jervis is crossing the stream! What a good escape picture!"

 _Escape picture? Wait a minute this is bad I think I might need to call Superman for help._ Lois thinks.

"Superman!"

"Superman!"

"Superman!"

"Superman!"

Lois Climbs up a dead tree and jumps off and almost dies. "Superman!" Superman catches her. "About time."

Superman drops Lois off at the barn, and flies back to Arkham to round up the villains. Poison Ivy's Sticker vine mesh is plaguing the guards at this very moment.

 **2 Hours later at the barn**

Jimmy Comes crawling through the barn doors, beaten, broken, bleeding, ripped up, and scarred for life. "Miss Lane! I got the pictures."

Jimmy faints.

Lois starts looking through his camera. " _Mhmm nice, great, that's a keeper, Oh god Jimmy no one takes pictures of the ground that badly! Oh there's a good one, there's Jimmy's thumb, Jimmy's shirt, Some of Jimmy's hair. . . wait are, are those Killer crocs teeth? . . . .Yep._

Lois sees some quality pictures in that bunch. She won't go into details.

 _OH is that batman on the roof there!? Or is that just Scarecrow wearing a Darth Vader costume. . ._

"Bolin! Is that batman you think?" Lois asks.

" BrrrOOOOOOOOOGGOORGgirgle" Bolin replies

"Jimmy! Did you get that noise! We could use that in the story!"

On the ground Jimmy thumbs up and replies "Yup I, um, got a picture of the noise. . . "

Lois face palms "No where's your video camera Jimmy!"

"Randomly on the ground over there. I'll go and get it."

 _Well just have to recreate that sound later._ Lois thinks as she looks menacingly at Bolin.

 **Lois Lanes Story So far**

 **Lethal Winter Weapons:**

 **The Fearsome Villain Scarecrow has been seen with a gruesome weapon, A weapon that could kill your heart out with one stab. Folks I write this to warn you. Winter is full of dangerous weapons. The weapon Scarecrow allegedly had was an icicle. Yes, an icicle. They can be found in your very backyard. Keep children away from winter weapons like the following: Icicles, frozen hard snow, ice in general, yellow snow, clumps of snow, grassy snow, snow in general, sleds. We have graphic pictures of Scarecrow holding the lethal icicle. * Insert fake pictures* There has also been a totally unprovoked breakout of every mental Arkham inmate imaginable. Unprovoked. . . . An absolute accident. They are still investigating how the inmates managed to slip by the guards. But we really don't need to provoke these creepos do we? Superman currently has the situation under control.**

 **SPECIAL ALERT: There May have been an unconfirmed Batman Sighting at the scene.**

 **Clark Kent's Story so far**

 **Winter fun:**

 **Wht is sledinG without snow? It's not. . . .**

 **A** **t The Barn.**

"Time for us to hit the road." Lois says right after she gets Jimmy to take some great pictures of the actual real icicle broken on the ground.

"Lois can we get some ice cream at shop rite?" Jimmy asks.

Lois walks around a drip dripping off the roof toward the car "I guess. Why you askin me? Oh and Jimmy watch that drip. That's a killer, it could like drip in your eye or something."

"Get a picture of that drip though; we could add that to the lethal winter weapons category." Lois gets in the car.

Jimmy is intently capturing the essence of the drip with his camera. He hears the car drive away.

"He HEy! Lois!" _She just left without me :( I can't believe she left me here._

 **15 minutes later at the side of the road**

Lois's car pulls up along side Jimmy. "Sorry Jimmy got ahead of myself there, I mean what if there's a story at shop rite? Gotta get it before Clark does. Get in."

Jimmy gloomily gets in.

 **Shop rite**

"Put that back Jimmy, stories don't wait for people who lug carts around with them." Lois rushes into the store.

"B- b- b- but the ice cream!" Jimmy shouts after her.

"Forget it Jimmy! We came here for a story and that's what were gonna get. Were not gonna be those people who walk in for one thing and come out with 5. . . Unless it's 5 more stories."

Jimmy gives up and follows, squeezing by Clark who is lugging a cart.

Lois rushes down the shampoo isle, the bread isle, the cereal isle, the Asian food isle, the * Whimper* Ice cream isle.

Clark casually picks up some milk. . . .

Lois runs down an old women, makes a baby cry, steps on peoples feet, cuts in line for cheese.

Clark tries to find a bag of broccoli florets.

Lois harasses the store manager. Jimmy hides his face from everyone who stares at Lois.

Clark taste samples salsa dip, cookies and soft pretzels. Ooooh how he loves those.

"That's it Jimmy, these people aren't cooperating, well just have to make a story ourselves."

Lois hands Jimmy a sprite bottle. "Drop it Jimmy."

"Wha-?"

Lois trips Jimmy. Sprite splashes everywhere. And Jarem falls and breaks his hip. And everything else.

"GET UP AND TAKE PICTURES JIMMY LOTS AND LOTS OF PICTURES JIMMY!, HURRY!"

 **Lois Lanes Story # 2**

 **The incredible danger of sprite:**

 **An undisclosed individual committed a spill and run at shop rite this afternoon. Nearly killing one old man and injuring many more. Sprite.** *inserts a picture of an innocent sprite bottle Jimmy took". **That's right folks sprite bottles are too big and as proven can pretty much kill you. Keep your kids away from them. Just keep your kids out of all stores containing bottles of liquid. Things could get messy. Bloody messy. We will catch the culprit; it is believed this was no accident. I hope to see him in jail very soon.**

 **Clark Kent's story # 2**

 **Floret health:**

 **Broccoli florets are the tip tops of broccoli and the tastiest part. It's important to know the minerals and vitamins you need to stay healthy. . . .**

 **The uh, the um florets being tasty part, that's just my opinion. If you like the stems better that's fine. . . .**

Lois and Jimmy head back to the car."Its just a broken finger Jimmy It'll heal."

The car got towed because Lois parked in a handicap space.

"Lois! You can't just do that! How could I not of noticed you did that!"

"Calm down Jimmy, I had to make sure I got the story, and I did didn't I? So we'll just jog home."

Jimmy spots Clark lugging his cart down the street. "Or we could ride with Clark."

Lois runs toward Clark." Hey Smallville can we hitch a ride with you?"

Clark just finishes putting the last of his groceries in the car. Jimmy notices he had ice cream YES!

"Oh sure Lois, just have to drop some of this food off at my parents house."

Lois was already in the car.

 **The Kents house.**

Clark knocked for the 2nd time. "Pa,Ma?"

Lois knocked for the 56th time "Mr. Kent! Mrs. Kent!"

Jimmy took pictures of the door.

"Well looks like ill have to use the spare key out back." Clark says.

Lois is out back. "Where?"

"It's in the grill."

Lois finds it and shoves it in the back door handle. "It's not working Clark."

Lois tries again

Jimmy tries to try

Lois tries.

Clark tries to sneak away to the front and break into the house as superman.

Clark gasps.

Lois is waiting in the front.

Clark tries to sneak around to the back.

Jimmy's in the back. .. Oh and there's Lois too.

Clark climbs up to the roof.

Lois is on the roof.

Clark tries to sneak to the shed.

Lois is in the shed.

"Uh ok then, well just drive over to where Pa and Ma are and get their key." Clark sees no other way.

They leave the ice cream on the porch.

 **Where Pa and Ma are.**

Clark and his parents are talking. Lois is holding the key. "You know what Jimmy! I could write a story on this key ordeal. But I need to be in the correct setting. I need to feel it .Let's go.

Lois hops in Clark's car and drives away with Jimmy.

 **The Kents house.**

"Oh look the ice cream melted." Jimmy points out.

Lois just goes in the house and starts writing.

"Uh Lois did we just leave Clark back there."

"Yup we did Jimmy, I had to get this story first.

"We're now using his parents' house?"

"Quiet Jimmy I'm in deep story mode. Oh and take a picture of the keys"

 **Lois Lanes final story**

 **Locked out:**

 **Locks are unreliable. You could get locked out of your house for life if you're not careful. Sure you could break in, but guess who's paying for that? Not me I can tell you that right now. Be sure to have back ups of back ups of back ups of keys with you all the time, or you'll be gonna be crying to your parents for help, and possibly get stuck with them for the rest of the day.**

 **Hours and hours later.**

"Works just fine for me son." Pa says to Clark as he uses the key that wasn't working and the door opens right away.

 **Clarks final story**

 **The melting point:**

 **Ice creem melLts. . . in the sun. . . outside. . . . iT melts . . . . all over . . .**

 **THE END**


End file.
